So far, I feel as if my time management skills have gotten better. The only problem is.. not being in school and continuing to be good at it. I can use my time well in school. During reading week .. I was pretty unproductive. Not proud of myself. But I did have a blast! I think my only problem is getting started. Once I’m started, I seem to get right into my work. My classmates and I had a whole week to work on our Radio Scripts, I didn’t do anything to it. I have a feeling it’s because I have this disorder (I made it up.. I think) called P.M.O. (Problems Missing Out) I can’t stand being at home working on assignments when there could be something crazy going on that I’m missing out on. My social life means a lot to me.. unfortunately, I believe it means more to me than school.
There is this quote my girlfriend told me..
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change“.
Now whenever I think of homework being something I have to do, I try to change my thoughts about into, wanting to do it. It is hard to live by, but I feel like it has changed me as a person. I honestly believe, that I’ve been living by that quote long before I heard it. It has saved my life many times. If only I used it well in high school.
I know that my life style and mood have improved because of my changed perspective on school. School used to depress me a lot. Now I look forward to going to school. It’s the simple things like, getting up in the morning and going to school, just because I look forward to those tasty breakfast burritos in the Loyalist College cafeteria! Yummm! I look forward to class to see my comments on Twitter or Linked In, even my blog.
Anyways, I definitely lead you off topic.. I tend to do that. But I was still talking about time management. Going to school is good time management, right? If only that was all that was involved.. WAIT! I have to change the way I think! So, I’m doing this blog (to be honest) because I’m supposed to post something for class. I’ve really been meaning to post more often, in my own time. Another thing that shows my
need want for improvement.
I have an idea! I’ll try listing out some of the things that do distract me from getting started.
Facebook is a huge one. It almost seems like when I have important things to do, and I’m on facebook, everyone wants to talk to me about something. When I’m completely bored, no one talks to me. I do like to interact with people a lot, it’s quite important to me.
Another thing is having guests over to my house, I just love to tend to them. I would do a lot for another person, even if it’s effecting me. They know that they distract me, but I tell them it’s my choice to let them and it is! I’m capable of making my own decisions, and I prefer it that way. I’m sure everyone does.
P.M.O is another big one for me. My feet and heart itch to get involved out there, I know that completing my homework and getting good marks will help me get out there in the future. My life up until I was 17-18 years old, I lived in the past and worried about the future. Someone told me that I need to start living in the moment, and so I have been. But it is dangerous sometimes. It’s healthy to think and prepare for the future.. but it scares me. It freaks me right out to think about where I’ll be in 5-10 years. I want to start combining living for the moment and preparing for the future, and I will learn it one day.
Youtube is a killer one. I get on youtube and search for new music. I just keep going and going, music makes me forget everything except how I feel in that second. It takes me on the greatest adventure of life, and oh boy how I like me a good adventure! But Youtube is a tricky one. I’ve created a play list of songs on Youtube so I don’t have to keep going on it and looking for another song. The play list plays right through and music helps me concentrate. I get so easily distracted by everything around me while working, music gives me a constant beat and a rhythm to think in.
Twitter.. oh twitter, constantly feeding me world news, always new things to look at and to search up and learn about. It’s a great thing for my ADD, with all its spontaneous information, so different and random each and every time. I do blame/thank my teachers for introducing me to it! 🙂
I always have an over load of personal projects I’d like to do for myself in my own time, but it does take up homework time tremendously. Personal projects of mine tend not to be completed as well. So it isn’t just school I have difficulties with.
Hmm.. If I can think of anything else, I try to update!
How can I choose anyone other than Tegan and Sara? I mean, they are amazing musicians, they are twins AND they are gay. They were also my second concert of life too. I cried when they stepped on stage for real. Of course, they played my favourite song last, oh the anticipation! All of their song are amazing. Honestly, there isn’t ONE song I don’t like. My all time favourite song by Tegan and Sara is ‘Living Room’ which is on their album ‘If It Was You’.
They currently have six albums out. From lastest to first it goes ‘Sainthood’, ‘The Con’, ‘So Jealous’, ‘If It Was You’, ‘The Business Of Art’ and ‘Under Feet Like Ours’. Their first album ‘Under Feet Like Ours’, leans more towards the garage rock style, while ‘Sainthood’ is electro-pop rock. With all of the albums in between, you can really hear the transition of style they took. Even there personal styles changed as well, but that could easily be them growing up. Both of them look alot more professional. Personally, I enjoy seeing the change they have made.. makes myself more comfortable about changing.
And here is the URL of their official website, which by the way, is very well done. The feel of the site relates to their personal brand well. http://teganandsara.com/
Another extremely amazing reason I adore this duo is their remixes with DJ Teisto! ‘Feel It In My Bones’ and ‘Back In Your Head’ are truly amazing and exhilarating, I seriously cannot get enough of those two songs. I’m a HUGE fan of Trance music, so these song blow my mind.
Last but NOT least, I adore them because they are gay. I like that they are an extremely positive role models for all the LGBT community. Both of them are very open about their sexuality and have written songs about being gay. I wish that every queer folk out there could be as open and cool about it as they are. It is really inspiring when people can rise from the torment and bullying into the spot light to show the world what they have gone through, and to help others who are currently struggling with what they have struggled with.
If I could see any rock band in concert again, I would see Tegan and Sara again. Only this time, hopefully I will be able to meet them. A coffee would be nice. 🙂
I am inspired by music, it takes me to another place so far away.
As a child I shut out most of my world using music, it was the only way I could
deal cope. I would listen to angry music like Eminem and spit the lyrics to release some of my buried pain. In the school hallways I stuck to myself, and my headphones. You could always find me sitting against a corridor wall staring into a abyss. My friends wanted me to join them for lunch.. I would follow but I was never there.
To this day, it is hard to find me without my MP3 player on, head banging or singing away. The beats bring me emotions I never thought I could feel. So loud, all I can feel is desire and passion in my heart, it is almost unbearable. When I feel this, it is like a form of self torture.. I can’t figure out how to release the intensity of what I feel, yet I want it to continue. Dancing and singing helps release the feeling a little but it is not good enough, I need to find out where that passion and desire is directed. Sometimes (even in the public eye) I can’t help but laugh and start rave dancing or singing out loud, out of frustration. I need to feel the strength of my words carry into the wind.. One day, someone will hear my voice and find me.
Music made me open up, it tore down the thick diamond walls that 5 years of counseling couldn’t. No longer am I afraid to say what is on my mind or how I feel. Nothing will bring me down. Nothing can make me believe I am not good enough. When I can’t find the words to describe how I am feeling, I look to music and lyrics.
The intense passion made me want to come out of my dark and lonely shell. It pushed me to become someone I remember only dreaming about years ago. It make me want a voice. My OWN voice. Now you can’t get me to shut up, and all I want to do is express me. If it wasn’t for music, I would not be the complete person I am today. Coming from staring into an abyss, to singing my heart out on public transit, is a desired change. I can now freely express some of that forever building desire and passion through singing, dancing, art and words.
But still I do not know what that passion and desire is.. is it a passion to dance? Sing? Or simply just to express myself because I was not able to before.. Whatever it is, my frustration is building and containment for that feeling as well, will be difficult to achieve.
I am 20 years old and still discovering parts of me.