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My Media Valentine(s)

Tegan and Sara Quin
Tegan and Sara Quin

How can I choose anyone other than Tegan and Sara? I mean, they are amazing musicians, they are twins AND they are gay. They were also my second concert of life too. I cried when they stepped on stage for real. Of course, they played my favourite song last, oh the anticipation! All of their song are amazing. Honestly, there isn’t ONE song I don’t like. My all time favourite song by Tegan and Sara is ‘Living Room’ which is on their album ‘If It Was You’.

They currently have six albums out. From lastest to first it goes ‘Sainthood’, ‘The Con’, ‘So Jealous’, ‘If It Was You’, ‘The Business Of Art’ and ‘Under Feet Like Ours’. Their first album ‘Under Feet Like Ours’, leans more towards the garage rock style, while ‘Sainthood’ is electro-pop rock. With all of the albums in between, you can really hear the transition of style they took. Even there personal styles changed as well, but that could easily be them growing up. Both of them look alot more professional. Personally, I enjoy seeing the change they have made.. makes myself more comfortable about changing.

And here is the URL of their official website, which by the way, is very well done. The feel of the site relates to their personal brand well.   http://teganandsara.com/

Another extremely amazing reason I adore this duo is their remixes with DJ Teisto! ‘Feel It In My Bones’ and ‘Back In Your Head’ are truly amazing and exhilarating, I seriously cannot get enough of those two songs. I’m a HUGE fan of Trance music, so these song blow my mind.

Last but NOT least, I adore them because they are gay. I like that they are an extremely positive role models for all the LGBT community. Both of them are very open about their sexuality and have written songs about being gay. I wish that every queer folk out there could be as open and cool about it as they are. It is really inspiring when people can rise from the torment and bullying into the spot light to show the world what they have gone through, and to help others who are currently struggling with what they have struggled with.

If I could see any rock band in concert again, I would see Tegan and Sara again. Only this time, hopefully I will be able to meet them. A coffee would be nice. 🙂

tegan and sara discography

Feel It In My Bones- DJ Teisto ft. Tegan and Sara

Back In Your Head- DJ Teisto ft. Tegan and Sara



Music Made Me Who I Am.

Trance Inspiration

I am inspired by music, it takes me to another place so far away.

As a child I shut out most of my world using music, it was the only way I could deal cope. I would listen to angry music like Eminem and spit the lyrics to release some of my buried pain. In the school hallways I stuck to myself, and my headphones. You could always find me sitting against a corridor wall staring into a abyss. My friends wanted me to join them for lunch.. I would follow but I was never there.

To this day, it is hard to find me without my MP3 player on, head banging or singing away. The beats bring me emotions I never thought I could feel. So loud, all I can feel is desire and passion in my heart, it is almost unbearable. When I feel this, it is like a form of self torture.. I can’t figure out how to release the intensity of what I feel, yet I want it to continue. Dancing and singing helps release the feeling a little but it is not good enough, I need to find out where that passion and desire is directed. Sometimes (even in the public eye) I can’t help but laugh and start rave dancing or singing out loud, out of frustration. I need to feel the strength of my words carry into the wind.. One day, someone will hear my voice and find me.

Music made me open up, it tore down the thick diamond walls that 5 years of counseling couldn’t. No longer am I afraid to say what is on my mind or how I feel. Nothing will bring me down. Nothing can make me believe I am not good enough. When I can’t find the words to describe how I am feeling, I look to music and lyrics.

The intense passion made me want to come out of my dark and lonely shell. It pushed me to become someone I remember only dreaming about years ago. It make me want a voice. My OWN voice. Now you can’t get me to shut up, and all I want to do is express me. If it wasn’t for music, I would not be the complete person I am today. Coming from staring into an abyss, to singing my heart out on public transit, is a desired change. I can now freely express some of that forever building desire and passion through singing, dancing, art and words.

But still I do not know what that passion and desire is.. is it a passion to dance? Sing? Or simply just to express myself because I was not able to before.. Whatever it is, my frustration is building and containment for that feeling as well, will be difficult to achieve.

I am 20 years old and still discovering parts of me.






vile feelings flee
from her corpse eyes
never blinking
for fear of failure
seeping out
opening, amputating
heart strings played gracefully
fear of portraying visions
of eyes filled with sympathetic glares
afraid to break this
frozen pond of life
without sorrow
pooling deep into depths

Another Sleepless Night.

Im sitting here wondering what to do.
It’s pretty late in the morning, and she’s sleeping behind me.
I have alot to learn and there’s lots I’ll never know.
There are things people think I dont want to learn.
But really my mind is a sponge, I love to know even the most dreadful of things.
Dont even ask me why Im writing this, cause I dont know myself.
I just .. hate being alone at night. There’s to much to think about, yet nothing at all.
Or maybe the thoughts are just racing so fast, I just don’t know what I’m thinking.
I should feel so proud of myself.. for leaving my troubles behind.
I have forgotten them, expecting myself not to feel the way I do.
I’m afraid for my friends.. I feel as if Im leaving them behind.. when Im not. Im right beside them .. watching them all fall down like a set of domino’s. One falls down, leading another to fall down, leading another to fall down..e c fucking t. When will it end? Maybe I can stop this chemical reaction.. Im trying to be strong and brave but so much drags me down and restrains me.. but I like to be restrained..I like pushing against a higher power, maybe thats why I could not complete Youth Hab.
Anyways.. Why is it that I see a friend fall and immediately I fall with them? Am I to loyal? Do I really stick it to the end? I don’t know.. I just think my friends need to know I’ve learned alot from my drug experience. I learned how to love myself when Im sober. I’ve learned what drugs do to your emotions, to your mental healing and to the satisfaction of your life. I mean yeah, weed ocationally, is nothing.. but everyday becomes an addiction.
I used to say I never had an addiction.. but I REALLY did.. I mean I chose drugs over my first love. That’s all in the past.. no one deserves to feel down, and ashamed, guilty. No one deserves to forebode the future.. everyday mashes in with the next creating an endless day of being high..
Okay I just felt like typing. Im finished now, sorry.

Old World vs. New World.



“It’s like a cardiac arrest, only it happenes in the brain,
something responsible for holding the gray mass together abruptly shifts,
there is a sickening feeling of something terrible about to happen,
and the next thing your head is experiencing the awful sensation of being emptied out.
From some where inside the power goes down and the body seems to collapse into itself like a marionette being folded into a box.
You look for a way out, and what’s left of your broken brain does its best to oblige with images of high bridges and frozen ponds and nooses dangling from balconies.”

“I realize that there are worse things out there but to dream of having one good day
let alone a good week,
without having to feel anxiety or wanting to give up,
or confusion,
short memory,
lost of concentration,
and no patients with family.
I dream to feel peace and happiness everyday.
And fight against this illness daily.”

“I ask you to imagine the unimaginable,
to think the unthinkable.
To experience second degree emotional burns
with third degree prognosis.
All you experience is pain, but with no cure. In fact,
there is no viable treatment.
You can attempt to salve it.
Only death solves it.”

Monster Friends.

Monster Friends

I sit silently, waiting for an answer that spills out of their mouths like acid.

Burning my eyes, giving me prepossessed view of my decaying soul.

Where are their alert minds when substances arrest their ability to maintain controlled and comforting thoughts?

Do we, as teenagers find insanity beautiful?

As beautiful as a raging flame, and the sounds of defiant screams blasting contentment through an apprehensive mind?

A frequency of family affairs, unforgettable failures and the inability to censor our own lives makes insanity an imperfect perfection.

The only happiness and comfort turned to, when our parents are off climbing the ladder of authority at work or just fucking off, not realizing the fortune they have at home is rotting from the inside out.

Everyday your a little more alone, apathy increased, enabling thoughts of more insanity to cross our minds a little more predominantly.


But where are our friends?


Are they slouching beside you, eyes glazed over lost in an ambivalence of themselves? Or are they standing abruptly in your path to destruction?

Defying you anymore harm unto your withered soul?

What if no one stands in our degenerate paths? Where will we know to stop, or will these monster friends gnaw and pick at our brains like a crew of ravenous ravens?

It’s all a vicious cycle of pain and angst. If a friend asked, would you be the scissors to cut this endless cycle of pain, no matter what?

Or are you the one in need of dire help?


Reach out.