Another Sleepless Night.
Im sitting here wondering what to do.
It’s pretty late in the morning, and she’s sleeping behind me.
I have alot to learn and there’s lots I’ll never know.
There are things people think I dont want to learn.
But really my mind is a sponge, I love to know even the most dreadful of things.
Dont even ask me why Im writing this, cause I dont know myself.
I just .. hate being alone at night. There’s to much to think about, yet nothing at all.
Or maybe the thoughts are just racing so fast, I just don’t know what I’m thinking.
I should feel so proud of myself.. for leaving my troubles behind.
I have forgotten them, expecting myself not to feel the way I do.
I’m afraid for my friends.. I feel as if Im leaving them behind.. when Im not. Im right beside them .. watching them all fall down like a set of domino’s. One falls down, leading another to fall down, leading another to fall down..e c fucking t. When will it end? Maybe I can stop this chemical reaction.. Im trying to be strong and brave but so much drags me down and restrains me.. but I like to be restrained..I like pushing against a higher power, maybe thats why I could not complete Youth Hab.
Anyways.. Why is it that I see a friend fall and immediately I fall with them? Am I to loyal? Do I really stick it to the end? I don’t know.. I just think my friends need to know I’ve learned alot from my drug experience. I learned how to love myself when Im sober. I’ve learned what drugs do to your emotions, to your mental healing and to the satisfaction of your life. I mean yeah, weed ocationally, is nothing.. but everyday becomes an addiction.
I used to say I never had an addiction.. but I REALLY did.. I mean I chose drugs over my first love. That’s all in the past.. no one deserves to feel down, and ashamed, guilty. No one deserves to forebode the future.. everyday mashes in with the next creating an endless day of being high..
Okay I just felt like typing. Im finished now, sorry.